Love Well, Hurt Well

9/19/2013 11:37:00 AM sendtheroths 0 Comments

I had the false impression that when I found the man that I would marry, the days of emotional attachment and heartbreak would be over.

After all, isn’t it during that awkward mezzanine in life of leaving our father and mother, and making our own family the time where we break hearts and have our hearts broken in search for the one?

Photo Credit: Abigail Smith Photography

This may be true.

But getting married has left me with no shortage of heartbreak. It’s only earned me someone to console and speak words of life over me, when the heartbreak comes.

I’m learning that if we are to truly love well throughout our life. Heartbreak is a part of life.

“You love so wholly.” 
“You are so present in every situation.” 
“You have so much passion.”

These are compliments that I commonly get. It’s a part of my identity, I guess. One person observed it this way.

When you’re joyful, you overflow. 
When you’re angry, you can change the atmosphere of the whole building. 
When you’re sad, you’re completely broken. 
When you love, you pour out everything that you have on who ever you’re giving that love to. 

I can’t explain what a blessing and curse this is at the same time.

When I love, I love well.
But when I hurt, I hurt so deeply.

I haven’t found a dynamic, which offers the same genuine love to someone else without the intensity of the pain when love seems to have failed them and my heart is seemingly crushed by what they have or haven’t done.

Is it possible to separate love from expectation? This is a question that I don’t have an answer to. Maybe I’m writing this post in the hopes that someone out there does and will Skype me to explain it all.

The truth is that working with people from different ministries, professions, countries and cultures has forced me to face so much of my own immaturity, insecurity and willful blindness regarding how to walk this life while dying to myself and living in Christ.

Anyway, I don’t know what this post is about except for a reflection of how short I fall in discipling myself and other people. I’m full of poor judgments, reactive thinking and I smother the people that I fall in love with.

Pray for God to refine me and define me so that I can be more effective in wasting my life for His cause. I repent for all the shortcomings, which many of you who read this blog have seen in me or will probably see in me soon.

If God can use me to at all to reach a warzone, he could use anyone.

I just wish the ‘anyones’ would come alongside and help us.

Pray also, for laborers from foreign places to come and become family: covenant relationships that will work the harvest with us.